Out-Standing Movies Of 2011 | Candid Krishnan

Thank You: Who directed this? Anees Bazmee… Man, he is live bio hazard. He can make an innocent looking piece of Post-It Notes into a Script and a movie which can lead CIA attack India in search of WMDs. Make Kasab watch Thank You once and we will get our solution for Terrorism. I heard that to deter US Seals, Osama kept a copy of Thank You but unfortunately his DVD player had denied his services.

Faltu: Accepted. People say it’s a hit. Accepted. People say Jacky is a star. Accepted. People say this movie is a milestone. Accepted. Accepted. Accepted. Accepted. Now please spare us. the name said it all, after all.

Double Dhamaal: Dhamaal was bad. Then we consoled ourselves by thinking it’s over. Then came Double Dhamaal. I don’t know will I have a smile on my face if I see RGV Ki Aag Returns. 

Rascals: This movie almost killed a few. Some died by seeing Kangana in new avatar. Some tried to understand the story plot and were humbled by high IQ of Sir Dhawan. When National Award winners do movies like this, movie lovers should tie a big stone around their feet in jump in Indian Ocean. And yes… how come Censor passed this one. This was a killer… more violent than Black Friday, Gulaal and Rambo 5 combined.

Chatur Singh Two Star: This movie should have a statutory warning… Can make you cringe in your graves (because you will be already dead if you have seen any of above). Anyways it was as good remake of Pink Panther as Venkatesh Prasad’s batting skills. It was a dangerous blow to mind body and soul. I thought of suing the script writer but then I realized there was none.

If you have seen all these movies, you can apply for Padmashree. I will second your nomination.

Written By: Krishnan

Gandu | Much Ado About A Little | Candid Krishnan

Q has a simple name. His vision for cinema is however a little complex. He subtly tells a story, garnishes it with forbidden elements and puts in front of prejudiced society. They puke on it and it serves to his purpose. His movie gets a moment of glory and despite of all bans, becomes a rage in underworld. Gandu does not have a high IMDB rating. It does not have great reviews to boast of. As a matter of fact it’s hardly the most amazing movie made over the turn of the decade… yes… its however, one of the most controversial movie of recent times.

As the movie starts, one might sympathize with the lead character. It has a kind of innocence though loaded with shamelessness and perversion. After a point the movie drags a little and the frustration of protagonist starts growing on you. Then the character of his friend comes into picture and you start liking it more than the protagonist. After a small phase of interesting flow of events, the movie loses its course and tries to breach the boundary between art and porn. One might feel offended by some of the scenes… The story has multiple layers and its really interesting the way Q handled it.  

Q glorifies sex, undoubtedly. Frankly speaking, a cine lover I have no qualms with that. But sex should not become the USP of a movie which have so many different layers. That widens the scope of movie and people appreciate your work more than appreciating or rather ogling at few scenes.

Written By: Krishnan

What Definitely Works | Uttkrishtt | Candid Krishnan

After looking into the nominations and analysis the vote patterns, our dear Candy drew following conclusions:

1) EGO Works: How dare you say that to me? If this is one of your I-Wont-Attest-Your-Word reaction, we got it right. Jale Ko Aag... ; sure dude, your name is Vishwanath and it suits to the rhyming pattern but we believe that you are not that potent... maybe, Superman can use this one unambiguously. Similarly, Rishtey Mein Hum Tumhare Baap... Dude... get a life. You can't keep saying this to every Tom, Dick and Harry and definitely not to people who are older than you. And Mogambo... who the hell are you?

2) Attack-Counter-Attack: We like to give terse reply to everyone. Don't we? Yeh, every hero is an ego filled over-confident guy who can fight with entire army of smelly thugs with zero IQ. Chinoy Seth, Jinke Apne Ghar... and Bachon Ke Khelne Ki Cheez Nahi... both tell how weak the villain and his set of goons are and how powerful the hero is. Again a Jaao Pehle Us Aadmi Ka Sign Lekar Aao... is a scathing reply to an idealistic younger brother by a not-so-idealistic anti-hero elder brother. No wonder we like to see our heroes yelling what we can’t even think... even in mute.

3) Chivalry: Every girl want a chivalrous boyfriend and every guy wants to say romantic poems. Such a fish... Ye Paon Zameen Pe... what dude... where will she keep her lovey dovey feet... on your bum?

4) Comic Timing: Eh... good jokes work. They do. Aap To Purush Hi Nahi Hain... is smart and crisp. What else do you want?

5) MAA: The mother of all emotions... love for mother. Since the moment first reel was screened, this emotion has prevailed everywhere in Indian Cinema... thinking of Rakhi Sawant, almost everywhere. When a son challenges Shiva, the destroyer, by saying Khush To Bahut Hoge Aaj Tum... or when a son replies Mere Paas Maa Hai... weighing mother higher than every materialistic asset. Wow... *tears overflow*

***based on Conversations with Candy Krishnan. commented in jest, no intention to offend***

The Cult Classic Of Indian Cinema - GUNDA | Candid Krishnan

Mithun Chakraborty, Mohan Joshi, Mukesh Rishi, Harish Patel and Shakti Kapoor… At one point or other, each of them have done some good real good work… something that can give any A-listers a run for their money. Gunda by showman Kanti Shah is one such proud work. A  movie that has charmed the movie buffs since the day it was screened. It became a blockbuster in Hindi belt and over the years attained a special place in heart of college going students. Cult… it is. Classic… a few decades down the line, it will be.

Gunda has a classic mix of ‘I-Stand-Against-Wrong’ and ‘I-Take-Revenge’ plot. Mithun plays the hero who fights against the villains, who are powerful and perverts. They molest his sister and after that point, the struggle of a righteous person becomes the struggle of a righteous brother. The story is obscure, stupid to the extent of being outrageous and dude… predictable is an understatement.

Every imaginable cliché right from early 50s to late 90s adore the story. Dialogues are like a never ending ballad. Each sentence rhymes to the extent where you feel like biting a pillow to stop your laughter just to avoid a stomach hemorrhage. Acting performances seemed to be heavily doped with performance enhancing drugs. They are so over the top that you might feel that Deepika and Imran gave Oscar winning performances in Break Ke Baad. From acting… coming to Action: You have seen MI, Matrix… You have seen Rajini, Chiranjeevi… Now you have seen Mithun. His one punch has the strength of 100 elephants trained on steroids. You might get the feel why they don’t have WADA for movies…

If you think you are a critic… watch TOP IMDB movies… then dude… It’s time for some reality check: It has a current IMDB rating of 7.6.

 Written By: Candy Krishnan

Make The Short After A Thought | Candid Krishnan

First think if you can make it. If it’s a YES, then make it. If it’s a NO… forget everything else and give in your all to make it. You will realise how wrong you were… Shorts can also surprise the makers.


A good short is like a good sex tape. You don’t need celebrities/professional to make it perfect. You don’t need extra visual effect. You don’t need to invest a lot. A handy-cam is enough. All you need is to get the theme correct and everything else will fall into place. Now, before you jump into conclusions, I must warn you about two things… First, short is LIKE a sex tape but both are two different poles of creativity. Keep this in mind while hiring the actors. Second, short might have a smaller audience base and even fewer people to appreciate the details you worked hard upon. So, keep your expectations low.

I guess we have the context right.

Before jotting down the names of actors you might want to act with, get the script done. Once the script is written, sleep over it for a weekend. Like a wine it will mature and you will be able to shun your initial naïve thoughts about actors. You might change a few scenes or add some shades in the characters as well.

Once you are done with script and cast, do a small workshop with everyone on-board including your technical team. Discuss each character and each sequence, unless you intentionally want to keep things under wraps. Make it a point to discuss your story thoroughly with editor and cameraman. They are the most important people in your team.

Get a camera but don’t let the lack of resources become a show-stopper. If you don’t have a great camera, don’t bother. Many extremely popular videos on Youtube were made on mobile. Once you have a cam… say, action.

Post production work might consume upto 60% of entire span. It’s not about just cutting from rough cuts and adding them. It’s about getting each frame correct. Each second will have a minimum of 25 frames. So, you know how serious job editing is. If you are planning to go for dubbing, I will say ‘Go For It…’ but be ready for many problems ahead. Getting background score correct, getting the mood and flow of dialogs right and lip sync. Unless you can afford a specialist, dubbing is not a million dollar idea.

Now when everything is done… put the video on Youtube or social networking sites… or send to contests. And never forget, nothing beats word of mouth… coz… Short is just like a *******

Written By: Candy Krishnan

Seven Amazing Hindi Movies Of 2010 | Candid Krishnan

Please don’t screech into my ears yelling… “No DABANGG!!!” Yes. No Dabangg. No Dabangg, No Enthiran, No Kites, No My Name Is Khan… and many nos. Plus a big NO to I Hate Love Storys and Break K Bad. A small no to Rajneeti. A punching NO to Golmaal-3 and a kicking NO to Lafangay Parinday. I guess despite of many nos, there will be a few yeses. If you just said Yes, here is my list… and even if you just yelled a no… read to know why I said NO…

Peepli Live: Aamir Khan’s production with no big name on board. For many the only recognizable name was Raghubeer Yadav (Mungeri Laal K Hassen Sapne… eh, the same fellow) but the brand AK ensured that P/L gets enough coverage on all the channels… especially the news channels on whom the joke was on. Success of P/L means a lot: more satire on news makers and presenters, rural backdrop back on screen and AK can sell everything (including the computers whose manufacturing company’s head comes to repair the faulty piece… think of Jobbs coming to your place to repair your faulty iPad).

Tere Bin Laden: Pack your brain in a bag and enjoy. The style of satire presented in TBL had some resemblance with contemporary Peepli, it had no moral responsibility to be sane like the latter. Ali Zafar as manipulative reporter obsessed with USA and Pradhuman Singh as Osama Bin Laden’s look-alike stole the treat. The movie highlighted a few stereotypes… especially the hysteria and dumbness of US. Well… we too stereotype them as they think of us autodrivers.

Udaan: A coming of age tale that had a strong plot of Father-Son relationship, Udaan is a brilliant movie standing on three pillars- Script, Direction and Performances. Udaan accumulated more praises than box-office collections and it seems that no one is complaining. Such movies don’t work usually. But they do touch heart. No wonder, Udaan bagged three honors at Blue Notebook.

Red Alert: Suniel Shetty is not known for his acting skills. But with Red Alert he defied all the notions attached to him. Red Alert is a sensitive and really realistic movie on Naxalism. It’s not biased and has open ears. Unfortunately, this movie didn’t reached many eyes…

Lahore: Sports and revenge. Lahore is actually not a great movie. It boasts of smooth flight of brain and makes the unbelievable believable. Farookh Sheikh stands out as a coach and despite of numerous factual and logical flaws, you might fell in love with this movie. Yeah… also, in this country, for the first time (may be the last time as well) you will see a cricketer leaving cricket to pick up kick-boxing. On the rocks… eh Mr. Script Writer??

Karthik Calling Karthik: Scheeeezophreniiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaa seems to be the flavor of Bollywood these days. Everyone is making a movie on this mental problem and misusing creative liberty to show whatever they want (remember one movies like Madhoshi, Aitbar and Chehra??). But unlike the usual crop, KCK was smarter and crisper. Farhan Akthar and his phattu avatar steals the show.

Ishqiya: Vidya Balan, Arshad Warsi and Naseeruddin Shah, a debutant director patronized by Vishal Bhardwaj and rough UP. Deadly combination of desi daaru and desi F words. Ishqiya will be remembered for many things. Interesting plot that turned out to be an anti-climax. Some fun moments everyone can enjoy and some only a few can understand. Sleaziness that was on the verge of being obscene but refrained from being so. Bravo.

Written By: Candy Krishnan

Hollywood In Bollywood | Candid Krishnan

I wanted to watch much hyped Hiss and asked my girl out. She first stared at me. She was thinking that I was more interested in Mallika than in SFX. Obviously, she was right. Girls are always right. So, I didn’t argue. As I surrendered, she agreed to accompany me. Strange…

But I was really interested in Hollywood movie set in India. I thought that it would be atleast interesting to watch HWood understanding of India. Not to mention, I was grossly disappointed.

I always felt that if Slumdog Millionaire can win so many Oscars; Indian movies definitely deserve better treatment at the International Level. How can they overload such a weak, stereotyped and heavily inspired (read the forbidden synonym for copy) movie with a plethora of appreciation. What was it…? Definitely not in the coveted league of other Academy Award winners.

Hollywood definitely doesn’t understand India. We still are land of snake-charmers. We have a large number of call-centers in each and every part of this country where anyone can sit and reply to dumb blonde questions. Breaking News… India is far more than that. On a serious note; HWood doesn’t want to break the traditional image of Indians. Poor and sorrowful. They will show NASA but minus Indians. A real NASA guy would laugh at that. For most of HWoodians Indians are like Slumdog-turned-Millionaires but the truth is that their interpretation of this journey from Slumdog to Millionaire is not as simple as appearing in Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. I think Danny Boyle should watch movies like Udaan to understand India.

And Hiss… that’s a sham. F it off.

Written By: Candy Krishnan

B’Wood RomComs… Blah Blah | Candid Krishnan

Aisha… well, they said that its an adaptation of Jane Austen’s Emma. Poor Austen. She could never had conceived a worse nightmare than seeing this sugar coated movie that fatally failed to understand Austen at the first place. Waste of time and money… both at the same time. RomComs…! Bollywood F.U.

Similarly, anyday I would have love to have a quick revision of Choti Si Baat than wasting my savings on an overhyped IHLS. What a waste of money, man. Here is a guy who hate love stories and frown on silly cliché’s and see, he grows (?) into someone who repeats all of them just to convince you that when you are in love; you go nuts. Dude, get a life. Life is not a plethora of clichés.

Actually, such movies should be censored. The reels should be put into a capsule and thrown in Pacific. How dare they make such movies? Why can’t they have a script before shooting… now, please don’t tell me that they had a script. Last few movies made show the paucity of talent in this country. If we feel proud of having a film industry; we need serious introspection.

The word RomCom reminds me of a sweet movie… ‘You’ve Got Mail’. Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. Yes, I know that its blasphemous talking about this and IHLS in the same flow; still I am doing so because any talk about RomComs minus this movie is incomplete. Sweet romance, spicy comedy and sparking chemistry. That’s RomCom. Some people need to understand that. So, either make good RomCom or make Spoofs… Anyways, judging by latest outings, I guess both mean the same in B-Town dictionary.

Written By: Candy Krishnan

Candid Krishnan | Saawariya- A Stupid Film

A debutante romances a maiden. With great heritage behind and accumulated expectation; a good performance would not be just enough. Both came to the fore as the next Raj-Nargis pair on board. But what they delivered surpassed all the expectations by leaps and bounds. The simply gave an expression that make you say… O Yuck!!!

Sanjay Leela Bhansali made a great movie. Named it Khamoshi. He made a legendary (?) movie. Named it Black. He mixed the worst of both; set it in a simply awful setup and took two fresh faces with families in Industry and wasted a lot of money. Yeah, you guessed it right. He made a blue film (color; not content)… Saawariya. Looking back at the movie, I come across a few things…

Sanjay definitely hated the best movie he made… Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam. Though he didn’t forget Sameer. He asked Ranbeer Kapoor, grandson of legendary Raj Kapoor and son of remarkable Rishi Kapoor and still very much adorable Neetu Kapoor; to wear the shirt of Sameer (who loves to be shirtless. I wanted to use top instead of shirt but I assumed that it would be severely censored) labeled as Raj. Well, Ranbeer is no Raj/Rishi/Salman.  Sorry girls, there was nothing that can be appreciated about Ranbeer in this movie; though I guess you might have loved him flashing his rear assets…

Sanjay was definitely adamant messing up this movie. He gave Salman a micro-second role custom-written for Ajay Devgan. Result… Just think Salman in role Ajay played in HDDCS. The expression he gave throughout appeared as if Ash is standing in front of him (post HDDCS). Rugged and misfit. Rani… totally unimpressive in a role that is something closer to Chandramukhi in Devdas… And Sonam… I remember his father’s memorable performances in Ishwar, Who Saat Din and Saheb. I guess genes are misplaced. She got looks and height but acting skills… Missing!! Thank God, she does not have the moustache…

I don’t know what the sub-genre in specific is. But there are movies that are very serious to the core and bad performances and pathetic script make them attain cult status in comedy genre… Spoof?? IMO… spoofs make some sense. Don’t they.

Written By: Candy Krishnan