Worst Hindi films of 2010

No, seriously. What can be more appetizing than drawing up a chart for the top 10 movies for this year? Top 10 bad movies, I mean. There's been quite a few good films this year -- most of them, heck, almost all of them being small-budgeted films -- Udaan, Ishqiya, Love. Sex Aur Dhokha, Do Dooni Chaar, Peepli [Live]. Okay Band Baaja Baaraat too. But, the real fun lies in picking out the 10 most audience-insulting, big-budget bombs that made you want to tear your heads while in the theaters. And your neighbors' too.

Here's my retrospective of the TEN turds of 2010(yellow yellow dirty fellow)

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10. *Kajraare *-- It was as if Pooja Bhatt decided to stomp her foot hard, leave the directorial duties to Himesssssss bhai himself and take off to a place where there would be total solitude. Because, that's what one would seek for after watching this bull-headed film in which apna Himesss bhai tries to 'buy' his love from God-knows-whats. WTF. Yes, that's what they were saying while watching this movie on TataSky. No, wait. It released in a total of, what, 2 theaters, may be.

 

9. *Knock Out *-- Irrfan Khan looked like a pimp in this 'original' film. A 'very original' film that just happens to be based on 2003's *Phone Booth*.

So what if the storylines are a bit similar? So what if entire scenes are Ctrl-X'ed and Ctrl-V'ed? Apni pikchur hai bhai, aise insult na karo. Sanjay Dutt and Kangana Ranaut make your skin crawl. And this is not even a horror movie.

 

8. *We Are Family *-- Well, of course you are. Kajol, Kareena, Arjun, Karan

-- you are ALL one big family. A family that wears designer outfits all the time, even while on bed. A family that's so clean-cut and cute that it makes diabetes sound cool. A family that watched its own effort bite the dust despite having taken all the official permissions, despite having bought the remake rights. Has there been a film this year that's as regressive as this?

I bet not.

 

7. *Veer *-- Salman Khan plays an ancient warrior clad in orange jean pants.

Orange? Orange?? In the 18th century? Or was that 17th? Who cares really!

Director Anil Sharma still thinks that Gadar was his masterpiece. Meh, it seems like Sharma keeps returning to his roots. That of loud and jingoistic film-making. Not a shred of talent to be found in this movie. Zip. Nil.

Pind. Oops, I meant Pindari.

 

6. *Pyaar* *Impossible *-- This is such a funny, funny, funny, funny film, I tell you. I had tears in my eyes when Uday Chopra's character starts using Apple OS and Windows simultaneously. And the climax where the BIG twist is revealed -- the one in which Uday Chopra has password protected his gargantuan invention or whatever. It wasn't until I started choking did I realize that "No, you don't have to laugh yourselves to death for this silly, stupid movie. Not for this."

 

5. *Action Replayy *-- Just remove the time-travel factor and the retro costumes and what do you have? Nothing. Nothing at all. Well, except an nausea-inducing Akshay Kumar and our queen-of-over-the-top actress(!) Aishwarya Rai. The fake wig of Akshay Kumar has a better expression than that of all the expressions of all the people (in this film) put together.

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4. *Prince *- *It's Showtime *-- Yes, it is indeed time. To show that Vivek Oberoi has lost it. That angry, young man who I saw in Company has taken a sabbatical and isn't returning anymore. Something far sinister has returned.

Yes, hide all you Jason Bourne's because the ultimate creature(!) is here.

One who uses vacuum pipes to send diamonds from the top floor to the ground floor. And yes, there's a chip too. One that wipes your memory clean or steals it or something like that. And romancing (read dry-humping) those semi-clad bimbettes? Priceless.This might have worked as a film-so-bad-that-it's-good but the way it takes itself so seriously is something you need to see to believe. So good that it's bad? Wait, isn't that too much to ask?

 

3. *No Problem *-- Says who? Missing diamonds? A ticklish Anil Kapoor? A gorilla who farts tornadoes? Suniel Shetty? Akshaye Khanna as a drag? Anees Bazmee? Man, the way I look at it, there's a hell lot of problem

 

2. *Anjaana Anjaani *-- Well, I have to admit.... I had some expectations from this one. Because I'd enjoyed Bachna Ae Haseeno to an extent. But this film is so bad that you will want to write down in huge billboards and show them to the filmmakers, "Hey, what's the use of stretching a condom....sorry, a rubber band that far?" That peeing in water joke is so gross, i can't even begin to explain. And if you haven't ever had an allergic reaction in your whole life, rest assured, Priyanka Chopra will make sure that you get one after watching this piece of junk.

 

And the one that was already standing in the market with its pants down and that was caught with its pants down is...

 

1. *Housefull *-- I am almost tempted to quote Roger Ebert and say I hated, hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie. But that in itself would be a significant amount of unwarranted praise for a movie so filthy and puerile.

Made by the man who calls himself the director of *Heyyyyy Babyyyy,* (pardon me in case I missed a few y's) this is such a low in terms of comedy that it makes the Priyadarshan movies look saner and subtle by comparison. A monkey slapping Akshay Kumar, cheap gay jokes, Boman Irani sleep-walking. You name it. This movie has all the pre-requisites for one colossal disaster. *Avatar *of yours? Can you even spell A-V-A-T-A-R, Mr. Khan?

 

Written by Gyandeep Pattanayak